Catch the Jew! by Tuvia Tenenbom

According to the reviews, this book was supposed to be funny:

"One of the funnies books, I've read in years - and one of the most heartbreaking." - Yossi Klein Halevi.

"Tuvia Tenenbom is Michael Moore and Borat in one." - Die Welt. 

The funny part was lacking for me. Only one chapter - "Gate Eighteen" - out of 55, made me lough out loud - I will get back to it later.

This is a serious and thought-provoking book, but I think it is more Borat than Moore. It starts with Tuvia lying to a Turkish Airlines employee to get out of paying for extra luggage. She lets him off the hook on the condition that he does not tell anybody, so of course he puts it in a book. Great start.

Tuvia's modus operandi is to get trust of people using a fake identity and then show them in bad light, belittle, or make fun of them if he disagrees with them. It does not mean that I agree with people he talks to. It just means that I'm not sure I can trust Tuvia to be objective in how he presents them.

He generalizes Germans, Swiss, Europeans in a way that if the nationality was switched to Jews, would be called anti-Semitic. He does not challenge Knesset Member Moshe Feiglin when he says:

 "The Pole sucks anti-Semitism from the breast of his mother, and his anti-Semitism is of the most vulgar kind, but with the German the story is different, and much more dangerous. The German is of an extremely high spiritual level, and in this the German is very similar to the Jew - only the opposite." 

Does Tuvia believe that or is that statement so obviously ridiculous that it does not need commenting? In other chapters when a quote is ridiculously stupid, he usually makes his opinion known, even if only by sarcasm. Not here.

According to Tuvia, all these volunteering Europeans, non-governmental organisations (NGOs), Red Cross, United Nations, Doctors Without Borders, are there in Israel, West Bank, and Gaza because of European anti-Semitism. From the last chapter "Gate Fifty-Five":

"The ICRC [Red Cross], of course, is not alone. UNRWA and the various European NGOs operating here are their [those who see Israel as "a bunch of animalistic devils"] natural allies. The age-old story of Europe's hatred of the Jew is continuing to this very day with just one minor adjustment: In the days of old, Europeans didn't have to get on a plane to fight Jews, who were then living as guests in their countries and at their mercy, but today they must travel the extra mile to satisfy their thirst to hurt the Jews."  

Heavy, isn't it?

There is a chapter where Tuvia makes us believe that stories of Jews destroying olive trees of Arabs are a fable, but later in "Gate Forty-One", talking to a settler in Yitzhar, we learn that, yes some Jewish settlers are actually doing it:

"You see the olive field at the foot of the hill, down there? We set it on fire. Yes, we do such things. Not all of us, but some of us. Why? Because these are the laws of war. We are in a war with the Arabs for control of this land."

Tuvia dismisses these people as "not the normal Jews" - they behave like farmers elsewhere, not like Jews.

Ok, enough of that. Where is the funny part? There is Rabbi Batsri [sic] - (Rabbi David Batzri) who has quite a following, who prescribes fasting for various sins. For example, for infidelity 325 days, for murder 1199 days, and for masturbation... 4000 days! Luckily, you can pay instead: 1 shekel (27 cents US) for each day of fasting. That is quite expensive, especially if you are a man, so there is also a plan option: pay 101 shekels per month for 26 months (2626 shekels total) and you are in the clear, provided you don't sin in the meantime.

The Epilogue completes the book with a very pessimistic opinion:

"If logic is any guide, Israel will not survive. Besieged by hate from without and from within, no land can survive for very long."

I believe in humanity, so I believe that Israel will survive and prosper, and that eventually the majority of people everywhere will think about themselves as humans first and foremost, and nationalities, languages, religions and physical features will not be considered worth fighting for.

Shalom.

p.s.
Tevia Tenenbom was paid to write this book by a German publishing house: Suhrkamp Verlag, which I think is ironic given that in the book he criticises Germans for sponsoring Israeli filmmakers and NGOs.